Limerence: Why Some People Experience Intense Infatuation That Feels Like Love—and How It Affects Them
Alright, let’s talk about limerence. Maybe you’ve never heard the term, but chances are, you’ve felt it—or know someone who has. It’s that all-consuming, heart-racing, can’t-stop-thinking-about-them kind of infatuation that feels like love on steroids. Spoiler: it’s not exactly the same as love, and it can mess with your head if you’re not careful.
Here’s the deal: limerence is a psychological state where you’re hyper-focused on someone, craving their attention and validation like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party. It’s not just a crush—it’s an obsession. And while it might feel magical at first, it can also be emotionally exhausting. Let’s break it down:
What Is Limerence, Anyway?
The term “limerence” was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. Think of it as the over-the-top honeymoon phase of infatuation, but on a loop. You might:
Sound familiar? It’s like your brain is running a rom-com on repeat, but you’re the only one in the theater.
Limerence vs. Love: What’s the Difference?
Here’s where things get tricky: limerence can feel like love, but it’s more about fantasy than reality. Love is built on trust, mutual respect, and, you know, actually knowing the other person. Limerence? It’s like putting someone on a pedestal and ignoring their flaws because your brain’s too busy pumping out dopamine.
Think of it this way:
Big difference, right?
Why Do People Experience Limerence?
Blame it on biology. When you’re in limerence, your brain floods with feel-good chemicals like dopamine, making you feel high on this person. It’s like your brain’s playing matchmaker, but it’s a little too hyped about it.
Some experts also think limerence can be tied to unmet emotional needs. If you’re craving connection or validation, you might latch onto someone who seems to fill that void.
How Does Limerence Affect You?
At first, limerence might feel like a total game-changer. You’re walking on air, smiling at strangers, and listening to love songs on repeat. But over time, it can take a toll:
If the feelings aren’t mutual, it can also lead to heartbreak or frustration.
How to Handle Limerence Like a Pro
If you’re stuck in a limerence loop, don’t sweat it—you’re not alone. Here’s how to take control:
1、Acknowledge it. Recognizing that you’re experiencing limerence is the first step. (Congrats, you’re already halfway there!)
2、Get real. Remind yourself that this person isn’t perfect. Nobody is. Try to see them as a whole person, flaws and all.
3、Shift your focus. Channel your energy into hobbies, friendships, or self-care. Basically, give your brain something else to obsess over.
4、Set boundaries. If you’re spiraling because of constant contact with this person, consider creating some space.
5、Talk it out. A therapist can help you unpack why you’re feeling this way and guide you toward healthier patterns.
Limerence can feel like a whirlwind romance, but it’s important to keep your feet on the ground. It’s not “true love,” and that’s okay! The good news? It doesn’t last forever. Most people move past limerence in a few months to a couple of years (yep, years—but don’t panic).
So, if you’re caught in the limerence trap, take a deep breath. Focus on yourself, and know that real, lasting love is out there—it just doesn’t come with the same fireworks.
