Alright fellas, let’s talk bathroom etiquette—because let’s be real, some of y’all are out here committing crimes against humanity in the men’s room. Whether you’re at home, the gym, or a public restroom, there are unspoken rules that separate the civilized from the savages. And if you’re breaking them? Well, it’s time for an intervention.
First things first: leave the space better than you found it. That means no mystery droplets on the seat, no unflushed disasters, and absolutely no leaving your DNA on the sink. If you’re sharing a bathroom—whether with roommates, coworkers, or strangers—clean up after yourself like a grown adult. Nobody wants to walk into a warzone.
Here’s the deal: public restrooms are not social clubs. If you recognize someone’s shoes under the stall next to you, resist the urge to strike up a conversation. Keep it quiet, keep it quick, and for the love of all things holy, don’t make eye contact at the urinals. This isn’t a networking event—it’s a place of business. Handle yours and move on.
This shouldn’t need saying, but apparently, it does: FLUSH. Every. Single. Time. If you’re the type who thinks, “Eh, it’s just a little one,” let me stop you right there. Nobody wants to see your leftovers. And if the flush is weak? Double-check before you peace out. Leaving a floater is a one-way ticket to being the guy everyone talks about in hushed, disgusted tones.
Washing your hands is non-negotiable, but turning the sink into a water park is just rude. If you’re aggressively scrubbing like you’re prepping for surgery, dial it back. And for the love of all things decent, dry your hands properly—don’t shake them like a wet dog, splashing everyone in a five-foot radius. Use the damn paper towels.
If you use the last of the TP, replace it. This isn’t rocket science—it’s basic human decency. Leaving an empty roll is like stealing the last slice of pizza and not fessing up. And if you’re in a shared space, don’t hoard the good stuff in your room. We all know who you are, and we’re judging you.
Put. The. Phone. Down. Nobody wants to hear your side of a heated argument while they’re trying to take care of business. And if you’re the type who scrolls Instagram mid-stream, let’s be real: you’re probably taking way longer than necessary. Do your thing, wash up, and get out. The bathroom is not your personal office.
Look, we get it—sometimes things get pungent. A quick spritz of air freshener is fine, but if you’re hitting that can like it’s a fire extinguisher, you’re just replacing one problem with another. Nobody wants to walk into a chemical wasteland. Moderation is key.
At the end of the day, bathroom etiquette boils down to one thing: respect. Respect for the space, respect for the people who have to use it after you, and respect for basic hygiene. If you’re following these rules, you’re already ahead of the pack. If not? Well, consider this your wake-up call. The throne is sacred—treat it that way.
