The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, twinkling lights, and endless cheer—but for many, it’s anything but. Between the relentless hustle of work, family obligations, and financial strain, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or even downright sad. And if you’re grieving or struggling with seasonal depression, the pressure to be merry can make things even harder. The good news? You’re not alone, and it’s okay to not feel okay. Therapist and burnout coach Abbey Sangmeister, LPC, emphasizes giving yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling—without guilt. But if you’re looking for ways to cope (and maybe even find a little brightness), here’s how to navigate the season when your emotions aren’t matching the holiday hype.
Name It to Tame It
Before you can tackle holiday stress or sadness, you’ve got to know what you’re dealing with. Sangmeister explains that "holiday blues and stress often overlap," but they’re not the same thing. Stress might come from a packed schedule or financial pressure, while sadness could stem from grief, loneliness, or unmet expectations. The key? Slow down and check in with yourself. "By pausing, you create space to identify what’s really going on," she says. Seasonal depression (aka seasonal affective disorder, or SAD) can also creep in during these darker months, making everything feel heavier. The difference? SAD typically lifts as the days get longer, while chronic depression sticks around no matter the season. If your low mood persists beyond the holidays, it might be time to seek professional support—more on that later.
Feel Your Feelings
Here’s a radical idea: Instead of forcing holiday cheer, let yourself feel whatever comes up. "Pushing emotions away doesn’t make them disappear—it just delays the inevitable," Sangmeister warns. Ignoring sadness can lead to bigger emotional blowouts later, whether that’s anxiety, irritability, or even physical symptoms like fatigue. So, what’s the alternative? Acknowledge the emotion. Say it out loud: "I’m feeling overwhelmed," or "I miss someone right now." Giving your feelings a name takes away some of their power and helps you process them in real time. And if you need to cry? Let it out. If you need to vent? Call a trusted friend. The goal isn’t to "fix" your emotions—it’s to honor them.
Look for Glimmers
Ever heard of glimmers? They’re the tiny, everyday moments that spark joy—think of them as the antidote to holiday stress. Unlike triggers, which send you spiraling, glimmers are those little things that make you pause and smile: a warm cup of coffee, a favorite song, or even a stranger’s kindness. "When we’re down, it’s easy to overlook these moments," says Sangmeister. That’s why she recommends actively seeking them out. Start a "glimmer journal" on your phone, jotting down small wins or happy memories. Or ask a friend to share theirs—sometimes, joy is contagious. Over time, training yourself to spot glimmers can shift your focus from what’s going wrong to what’s going right, even in small ways.
Set Boundaries Like a Boss
Holiday obligations can feel like a never-ending to-do list: parties, gift exchanges, family dinners—it’s enough to make anyone want to hibernate. But here’s the thing: You don’t have to say yes to everything. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s self-care. Start by prioritizing what truly matters to you. Maybe that’s skipping the office party to recharge or setting a budget to avoid financial stress. Sangmeister suggests using phrases like, "I’d love to celebrate, but I need to take care of myself right now." And if guilt creeps in? Remind yourself that saying no to one thing means saying yes to your well-being.
Lean on Your People
Isolation can amplify holiday sadness, so don’t go it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or even a therapist if you’re struggling. "Connection is a powerful antidote to loneliness," says Sangmeister. If traditional gatherings feel overwhelming, try smaller, low-key hangouts—like a movie night or a walk with a friend. And if you’re grieving or feeling disconnected, consider volunteering. Helping others can provide perspective and even spark moments of joy when you least expect it.
When to Seek Help
If your sadness feels unshakable or starts interfering with daily life—like trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, or constant fatigue—it might be time to talk to a professional. Therapy isn’t just for crises; it’s a tool for navigating tough emotions before they snowball. Sangmeister notes that seasonal depression can often be managed with light therapy, lifestyle adjustments, or short-term counseling. But if your mood doesn’t improve as winter fades, a therapist can help you explore deeper support, whether that’s ongoing therapy or other treatments.
The holidays don’t have to be all or nothing—you can acknowledge the hard parts while still finding pockets of peace. Whether it’s naming your emotions, setting boundaries, or simply letting yourself be imperfect, small steps can make this season feel a little lighter. And remember: It’s okay if your holiday doesn’t look like a Hallmark movie. Sometimes, just getting through it is enough.
