The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration—but for those carrying grief, it can feel like walking through a minefield of emotions. Whether you're mourning a loved one, grappling with estrangement, or simply feeling the weight of unmet expectations, the holidays have a way of amplifying what’s already tender. The truth? There’s no rulebook for grieving during the holidays, and that’s okay. What matters is finding ways to honor your feelings while still carving out moments of peace—or even joy—amid the chaos.
Permission to Rewrite the Script
or to show up on your own terms. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and neither should your participation in traditions that no longer serve you. Maybe that means skipping the big family dinner and ordering takeout instead. Maybe it means hosting a low-key gathering where tears are just as welcome as laughter. The key is giving yourself permission to say, "This year, I’m doing it differently."
When Silence Isn’t Golden
Grief thrives in isolation, but healing often happens in connection. If you’re dreading the holidays because you’re afraid of being the "downer" at the party, consider this: Your grief isn’t a burden—it’s a testament to love. Talking about it, even in small ways, can be liberating. That might look like sharing a favorite memory of your loved one during a toast or setting up a memory jar where guests can drop notes about what they miss most. And if words fail? That’s fine too. Sometimes, just sitting quietly with someone who gets it is enough.
Rituals That Don’t Require Eggnog
Traditions don’t have to be grand to be meaningful. For some, grief softens when channeled into tangible acts—like lighting a candle each night, writing a letter to the person they miss, or even watching a favorite movie that reminds them of happier times. Others find solace in creating something new: volunteering at a shelter, taking a solo trip, or cooking a dish their loved one adored. The beauty of rituals is that they’re yours to design. They don’t need to make sense to anyone else.
The Messy Middle of Healing
Here’s the thing about grief: It’s not linear. One day you might feel okay, even hopeful; the next, a random holiday commercial might knock the wind out of you. And that’s normal. The holidays have a way of stirring up emotions we’ve tucked away, and there’s no shame in that. What helps? Leaning into the mess instead of fighting it. Cry if you need to. Laugh if something strikes you as funny. Eat the damn pie. Grief isn’t about moving on—it’s about learning how to carry love forward, even when it hurts.
When to Call in Reinforcements
If the weight of grief feels too heavy to shoulder alone, there’s zero shame in reaching out. Therapy, support groups, or even a trusted friend can offer a lifeline when the holidays feel overwhelming. And if you’re the one supporting someone who’s grieving? Listen more than you talk. Show up without expectations. And remember: Sometimes the best gift you can give is simply saying, "I’m here. However you’re feeling is okay."
At the end of the day, the holidays don’t have to be all-or-nothing. They can be bittersweet, complicated, tender—and still contain moments of warmth. However you choose to navigate them, give yourself grace. Grief isn’t something you solve; it’s something you live through, one holiday at a time.
