Marriage without boundaries—sounds like a recipe for disaster, right? Well, not necessarily. For my partner and me, keeping our relationship exclusive wasn’t about fear or control; it was a conscious choice rooted in trust, communication, and a shared vision of what love means to us. While open marriages and polyamory have gained traction in recent years, we’ve never felt the need to explore those dynamics. And no, it’s not because we’re “old-fashioned” or “boring”—it’s because we’ve built something that works for us, without external rules or blurred lines.
The Myth of "One Size Fits All" in Relationships
Let’s get one thing straight: there’s no universal blueprint for a successful marriage. Some couples thrive in open arrangements, while others (like us) find fulfillment in monogamy. The key isn’t the label—it’s whether both partners are genuinely happy and aligned. Society loves to polarize this debate, framing monogamy as restrictive and open relationships as “enlightened.” But that’s a false dichotomy. What matters is honesty. If you and your partner are on the same page, whether that page includes other people or not, you’re doing it right.
Why Boundaries Don’t Always Mean Barriers
When people hear “boundaries,” they often assume it’s about saying “no” to experiences. For us, it’s the opposite. Our boundaries create a safe space where we can be fully vulnerable without fear of betrayal or misunderstanding. We’ve seen friends navigate open marriages, and while some make it work beautifully, others end up in messy situations where unspoken expectations lead to hurt feelings. That’s not to say monogamy is easier—it requires just as much work. But for us, the clarity of exclusivity removes a layer of complexity we’re not interested in managing.
The Trust Factor: More Than Just a Buzzword
Trust isn’t just about believing your partner won’t cheat; it’s about knowing they respect your shared values enough to honor them even when it’s inconvenient. In an open marriage, trust operates differently—partners trust each other to follow agreed-upon rules with others. For us, trust means never having to negotiate those rules in the first place. It’s not about possessiveness; it’s about prioritizing the emotional security that comes with knowing we’re each other’s “person” in every sense.
Communication: The Glue That Holds It All Together
Here’s the real secret sauce: talking. A lot. Whether you’re monogamous or polyamorous, if you’re not communicating openly, your relationship is on shaky ground. We’ve had countless conversations about desires, fantasies, and even fleeting attractions—because suppressing those feelings doesn’t make them disappear. The difference? We process them together instead of acting on them separately. That level of transparency has deepened our connection in ways we never expected.
When Curiosity Doesn’t Lead to Exploration
Yes, we’ve been curious about other people. Who hasn’t? Attraction doesn’t vanish just because you’re committed. But for us, curiosity is just that—a passing thought, not a call to action. We’ve learned to appreciate the spark of attraction as a reminder of why we chose each other in the first place. It’s like admiring a beautiful painting in a museum: you can appreciate its beauty without needing to take it home.
The Social Pressure to "Evolve"
There’s an odd cultural narrative that progressive couples “graduate” to non-monogamy, as if exclusivity is a phase you outgrow. We’ve been asked more than once, “When are you guys going to open things up?” as if it’s inevitable. But growth in a relationship isn’t about adding more people; it’s about deepening the connection you already have. We’ve evolved—just not in the way others might expect.
At the end of the day, marriage without boundaries works for us because we’ve defined what those boundaries mean—together. It’s not about following a trend or rejecting one; it’s about writing our own rules. And for now, those rules include just the two of us.
