It’s a familiar scene: You walk into a party, spot a married couple, and brace yourself for the inevitable social awkwardness. The wife, bless her, will at least pretend to care about your existence—maybe throw a compliment your way, even if it’s just about your shoes. But the husband? He’s already mentally checked out, eyes locked onto the snack table like it’s the Holy Grail. You might as well be a potted plant. And if you’re lucky, you’ll get a half-hearted grunt before he shoulder-checks you on his way to the guacamole. Classic.
The Great Gender Friendship Divide
This isn’t just about party small talk—it’s a microcosm of a bigger issue. The question of whether men and women can truly be friends has been debated for ages, but in today’s political climate, it feels like we’re backsliding into some retrograde nonsense. Trump’s reelection, fueled by one of the starkest gender divides in recent history, has thrown gasoline on the fire. Suddenly, we’re re-litigating whether women are worth talking to if they’re not potential romantic partners. (Spoiler: They are.)
Take Mike Pence, for example—the guy who famously refuses to dine alone with any woman who isn’t his wife. That kind of thinking doesn’t just reek of outdated chivalry; it screams that women are either temptations or nuisances, not actual people worth knowing. And while some might argue that’s just his personal boundary, it reinforces a toxic idea: that men and women can’t interact without sex lurking in the background.
Why Some Men Freeze Out Women After Marriage
So why do so many married men suddenly act like they’ve forgotten how to hold a conversation with a woman who isn’t their spouse? Some of it might be laziness—once they’re off the dating market, they stop putting in effort. But a bigger factor is likely societal conditioning. From childhood, boys are taught that friendships with girls are either stepping stones to romance or distractions from "real" (read: male) friendships. By the time they’re adults, many men have no framework for platonic intimacy with women.
Then there’s the fear factor. Some guys worry that being too friendly with women will make their partners jealous, or that they’ll accidentally send the wrong signals. But here’s the thing: If your marriage is so fragile that a normal conversation with another woman threatens it, maybe the problem isn’t the friendship—it’s the marriage.
The Case for Cross-Gender Friendships
Despite the cultural baggage, plenty of men do maintain meaningful friendships with women—and they’re better for it. Take my friend Jun, who says his female friendships aren’t about gender but about connecting with "cool people." Or Jesse, who finds it easier to open up emotionally to women than to other men. For guys like them, these friendships aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re essential for personal growth.
And let’s not forget the relationship benefits. Emma, another friend, told me that her boyfriend’s diverse friendships were a major green flag when they first met. "It showed me he saw women as full humans, not just potential girlfriends," she said. Meanwhile, my own partner has way more female friends than male ones—not because he’s some woke unicorn, but because he’s found that women are often better at holding space for emotional conversations.
The Moo Deng Effect
Here’s a hilarious but telling example: A few months back, comedian Dylan Palladino posted a TikTok about how being in a relationship exposes you to a whole new world of content—like Moo Deng, the internet’s favorite pygmy hippo. His single friends had no clue what he was talking about, leading him to joke that they were missing out because they weren’t "in that world." Translation? Without women in their lives (platonically or romantically), many men exist in a cultural bubble—one where baby hippos and emotional vulnerability are foreign concepts.
Emma’s response to the video was perfect: "We get it, you all have no female friends. Move on." Because really, that’s the crux of it. If your social circle is a boys’ club, you’re not just missing out on pygmy hippo memes—you’re missing out on half the human experience.
Breaking the Cycle
So how do we fix this? For starters, we need to normalize cross-gender friendships early. Boys should grow up seeing men and women as friends, not just as potential couples. And men in relationships should push back against the idea that distancing themselves from women is somehow "respectful" to their partners. Real respect means treating everyone as a person, not a threat.
It’s also worth examining our own biases. If you’re a woman who assumes all married men are socially inept zombies, maybe give them a chance to surprise you. And if you’re a guy who’s been coasting on grunts and guacamole runs, ask yourself: Would it kill you to say hello?
At the end of the day, friendships between men and women shouldn’t be a radical concept—they should be as normal as breathing. Because whether it’s sharing memes, venting about life, or just remembering that the other half of the population exists, these connections make life richer. And honestly, we could all use a little more richness—and a little less awkward party small talk.
