If you're part of a queer couple considering marriage, a prenup isn't just for the rich and famous—it's a practical tool to protect both partners. While the idea might feel unromantic, think of it as a safety net that lets you focus on love without financial anxiety. And let's be real: queer relationships often face unique legal complexities, making a prenup even more essential. Here’s the lowdown on five key secrets to crafting a prenup that works for you.
Secret #1: State Laws Aren’t Always Queer-Friendly
Marriage equality is federal law, but when it comes to divorce, state laws can be a wild card—especially if you live in a place with less progressive family courts. Some states still have outdated rules about asset division, spousal support, or even how they recognize non-biological parents. A well-drafted prenup can override default state laws, ensuring your agreement reflects your values, not some judge’s interpretation of heteronormative standards. Work with an LGBTQ+-savvy attorney to navigate these nuances, because boilerplate templates won’t cut it.
Secret #2: Protect Non-Traditional Assets
Queer couples often have assets that straight couples might not think about—like shared creative projects, gender-affirmation savings funds, or even pet custody agreements. Your prenup should explicitly address these. For example, if one of you is a freelancer or artist, how will intellectual property or future royalties be handled? If you’ve pooled money for gender-affirming healthcare, what happens to those funds if you split? Spell it out now to avoid messy battles later. And yes, pets are family—decide in advance who keeps the fur baby if things go south.
Secret #3: Debt Doesn’t Discriminate
Love might be blind, but debt collectors aren’t. If one of you has student loans, credit card debt, or medical bills, a prenup can shield the other partner from being on the hook. This is especially crucial for queer couples, since financial disparities often exist due to workplace discrimination or gaps in healthcare access. Be transparent about debts upfront and outline who’s responsible for what. Bonus tip: If you’re planning to co-sign loans or mortgages together, clarify repayment terms in the prenup to prevent future headaches.
Secret #4: Plan for the Worst (Even If You’re Optimistic)
Nobody gets married expecting divorce, but let’s face it—life happens. A prenup isn’t about doubting your love; it’s about respecting each other enough to plan fairly. For queer couples, this might include clauses about how to handle discrimination (e.g., if one partner loses a job due to bias) or how to divide assets if you relocate to a less LGBTQ+-friendly state. Consider including a sunset clause that automatically updates terms after a certain number of years, because your lives—and laws—will change.
Secret #5: Keep It Flexible and Fair
A prenup shouldn’t feel like a corporate contract—it should grow with your relationship. Include provisions for periodic reviews, especially if you plan to have kids, buy property, or start a business together. Queer families often face extra hurdles (like second-parent adoption costs or fertility treatments), so build in flexibility for these expenses. And remember: Courts can throw out prenups that seem one-sided or coercive. Both of you should have your own lawyers, and the agreement should be signed well before the wedding—no last-minute pressure.
At the end of the day, a prenup is about love, trust, and practicality—not pessimism. For queer couples, it’s a way to take control in a world where the legal system doesn’t always have your back. So grab your partner, some coffee, and maybe a spreadsheet (or two), and start the conversation. Your future selves will thank you.
